Ward 1 – The Danger Zone!

I would like to submit the claim that Ward 1 is, in fact, Satan in room form. McKinley may have chemical warfare refuse, EQB may be haunted by the ghosts of ambassadors past, and MGC/Butler may in fact be a labyrinth designed to trap confused underclassmen, but all of them pale in comparison to the horror of Ward 1.

What is it, you may ask, that makes this room so stupendously horrid? Allow me to share.

CHIPGRIFFIN / FLICKR

1. The Snooze Factor – Many of AU’s most boring classes take place in one of AU’s most sleep-friendly atmospheres, a match made in hell for those who wish to pay attention. Ward 1 typically houses large, introductory classes of 200-350 students, though you would never know it. Because the room is so spread out, teachers actually have to use microphones to ensure that all their students can hear. A deadly combination of warm temperatures, low ambient noise, voluntary participation and dreaded text-only PowerPoint slides usually lead to mass eyelid-drooping. To be honest, I’m falling asleep just thinking about an 8:30 a.m. class in Ward 1.

2. The Dual Factor - For the benefit of those sitting on the extreme periphery of the room, Ward 1 features two screens that display the same image. That’s all fine and good if you’re actually at an angle, but most students choose to sit in the center section. One has to choose between either screen, which is, quite frankly, pretty impossible. Eyes will constantly flit back and forth, and the end result is feeling dizzy and cross-eyed.

3. The “I Can Mess Around on Facebook Covertly” Factor – Come on, we’ve all done it. Sometimes, your buddy John’s drunk status updates are just more entertaining than brain anatomy. Some people think it’s rude to be on the computer during class, and so don’t bring their laptop. These, of course, are the people that constantly text or play games on their phones. In one instance last week, a girl sitting in front of me had forgotten to mute her phone while intensely playing Frogger. When she beat the level, the phone erupted in jubilant beeps celebrating her accomplishment as she frantically tried to stuff it into her gut. Laughter erupted. “I hope you got the top score there,” the professor quipped. Even he knew it was foolish to expect anything else in Ward 1.

4. The “World’s Crappiest Furniture” Factor – I’m convinced that AU got the chairs in Ward 1 from some shady secondhand version of IKEA. This would explain how they look very nice from a distance but, when you actually plop down in one of them, you start to squirm like a salmon swimming upstream. The back is angled at what must be the world’s worst angle, the fabric is simultaneously scratchy and uncomfortably hard, and there is little-to-no foot room.  The chairs also include everyone’s least favorite accessory — the flip desk. These are always just small enough so that you cannot lean or write comfortably on them, and they are also constantly collapsing at random times, sending your notebooks to the ground with a thud.

I’m sure many of my readers have had similarly bad experiences in Ward 1. Anyone care to share?