When people think of moments that completely change the course of someone’s life, they mostly think of that scene in pretty much every ABC Family movie where the girl is driving home late at night, singing along to the radio when all of a sudden, a deer charges onto the road and forces her to swerve, crash into a tree, and wake up in the hospital only to discover she has no memory of who she is/can’t walk/is blind and will never achieve her dream of being an artist.
Recently, I discovered that in real life, moments that completely change the course of someone’s life are much more subtle. It could be that you walk into the doctor’s office, feeling like you have strep and wanting some antibiotics to knock it out, and you walk out 45 minutes later with a debilitating, chronic disorder that you’ve never heard of, in shock and unable to form a single thought, yet somehow still be hyper-aware that your life has completely changed.
If that sounds like an incredibly specific example that’s not really just an example, that’s because (SPOILER ALAERT) it’s not really just an example. Stay tuned for the full story.
During my freshman year at American University, I managed to get strep four times. Apparently the medication that I was put on the kill the virus didn’t work, so the strep kept resurfacing. However, since each time I took it the medication would make me feel better, I didn’t know that the virus hadn’t been killed. After the fourth time I had strep, my immune system had weakened so much that a condition known as Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) entered my system and took hold.
POTS is characterized by  dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system. Specifically, my body is unable to regulate blood flow well, which means that gravity is pretty much controlling where the blood in my body goes. When I stand up (or sit upright), the blood sinks down to my feet and legs. Then, because my brain isn’t getting enough blood, my heart starts beating incredibly fast (within about 1 minute, it goes from 70 beats per minute to 160), and I start to get very dizzy and pass out in about 10 minutes if I don’t lay down. Even if I don’t push myself to the point of passing out, every time I sit up or stand, I use so much energy that it exhausts me for the rest of the day. The way I see it, every time I wake up in the morning, I have 5 “golden tickets”. As the day progresses, whenever I stand or sit upright for too long, I lose one of the tickets and get weaker. When I run out of tickets, I’m done for the day, no matter what time it is—I can’t do much more than lie in bed.
Since the autonomic nervous system controls more than just blood flow (it controls the functioning of all organs that operate involuntarily), there are many more symptoms that go along with having POTS. These include extreme fatigue and exhaustion, brain fog (You know how when you have the flu, you feel really spacey and dizzy and like you’re living in a Vaseline-covered bubble? And it takes a long time to process things that are happening around you, and you’re head feels so heavy you just want to lie down and close your eyes? That’s brain fog.), episodes where I feel like I can’t breathe, and lapses in memory. There are also cognitive impairments, including problems with word retrieval, burnout, decreased mental stamina, impaired concentration, and sleep disorders.
There is no cure for POTS. There are medicines that can help mitigate the symptoms but it is very hard to find the right combination of medicines to do that (I’ve been working with a specialist all year and we’re still experimenting), especially because POTS is very individualized and each patient must find the exact combination that will work for them. POTS is incredibly random and unpredictable—without warning, I can go from an upswing where I find I’m able to push myself to read a book, take a walk, or go out to dinner to a downswing where it’s hard for me to even get out of bed. There is a small chance that people who get POTS as teenagers will grow out of it or at least improve as they get older, but chances are it’s going to be a lifelong struggle. For more information, go to www.dinet.org.
Before POTS, my life had been very typical, and very reflective of my middle-class, suburban upbringing. I’ve never doubted the fact that I would one day graduate from college. I’ve never doubted that I would study abroad. I’ve never doubted that I would be able to chase the job of my dreams, whatever it may be. I’ve never doubted that I could have my crazy 20′s, where I’m living in a crappy apartment with a bunch of friends, going out and experiencing things that would one day turn into stories I would do my best to hide from my kids.
Now, I doubt that I’ll be able to do any of those things. I don’t know if I’ll be able to graduate college—most of the people I know who have POTS were not able to graduate from a four-year, full-time institution like AU. I struggle in all my classes (something I’ve never experienced before), especially with attendance, deadlines, group work, projects that take us off-campus, and finding time when I’m not too weak to do work. Besides the logistical things I must now figure out are the emotional and social problems that come with having an unknown, invisible disorder in a place filled with people who, for the most part, don’t know me or my situation. I feel judged when I have to take the elevator up one floor (I can’t walk up stairs anymore); I feel awkward when I use two chairs in class (one so I can put my feet up—I definitely can’t sit up straight for an hour and fifteen minutes). To strangers, I am that weird kid who is constantly taking her pulse; to casual acquaintances and group project members I am the flake who never comes to class or project meetings; to professors I’m that girl with the crazy-sounding disability.
I certainly no longer plan on studying abroad, which could quite possibly be one the biggest disappointments that goes along with having POTS. My plan to travel to England and be that person who comes back with a fake British accent and a really sexy foreign boyfriend is no longer going to happen. My crazy 20′s are not going to happen either.
My career options are now limited not by my abilities and interests, but my physical capabilities. Anything without stable pay, job security, and no travel is out. Anything that involves standing or any sort of physical labor is out. Anything that involves a ton of schooling or extensive testing (yes, I’m talking about the Bar) is out.
I’ve been dealing with POTS for about 9 months now, and this time has mostly been spent in mourning for the life I could’ve had, adjusting to this new situation, and learning about this condition and how it affects me. Now, I’m trying to rebuild the pieces of my life that have fallen apart with POTS. I’m hanging out with my friends and helping them understand how our relationship will be different; I’m working towards a degree in Communications, even if it will take me a few more years than expected; I’m finding extra-circulars that I can manage (thank you, Eagle, for having student bloggers!); I’ll be attending a job fair hosted by Disability Services in a few weeks to try and find an internship that will work for me.
Each day I live with POTS, I learn something new about myself, the people around me, and the world as a whole. I have realized how kind people can be, and reversely, how insensitive they can be. I’ve started to see how hard it is to live in a non-disability friendly world for people with disabilities. As for what I learned about myself, well, I’ve learned that a POTS downswing can be the perfect time to learn the lyrics to the Fresh Prince theme song—a skill I now show off to all my friends. I’ve learned how to pass the time when I’m stuck in bed all day, and I now have excellent taste in television—something I’ll be sure to talk about in this blog.
I hope for this blog to be a way for me to document my struggles, triumphs, thoughts, and—of course—TV recommendations as I continue my journey with POTS, reworking my identity and figuring out where to go from here.

I eat weird food.
People inform me of this fact quite often.
My friends, my family, some random guy in the salad bar line at TDR… Sometimes I feel like my pet fish, Leo, even looks at me funny when I take out my lunch.
It’s a tough life I lead.
But, back to my blog about making food: I’m a vegetarian. You know what? Being vegetarian limits your options and forces you to make up for those lost opportunities with new ones. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel bad about not eating meat anymore. I like my diet now more than my meat-filled diet of yesteryears. I’m not uber-healthy (in fact, I just at ¾ of a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting), but using my other food options gets me to eat exciting, and sometimes-unfamiliar food. I highly recommend my vegetarian recipes to anyone, meat-eaters included, because you might just surprise yourself with something truly delicious.

MEREDITH MEDOWAY / THE EAGLE

Because I greatly reduced my meal plan this year, I brought all of my fun jars of grains to make my lunches with (my sister was very upset—we see eye-to-eye on food products). In my food bin I have quinoa, wheat berries, farro, wild-rice blend, soba noodles, chia seeds, and flax seeds. Now, you might be thinking, “What on earth are those?” in relation to my foodstuffs. I don’t blame you. But, I do challenge you to try them out. I’ll be using each of them in at least one recipe this semester. I’m starting with quinoa, pronounced KEEN-WA.
So, what is quinoa? A lot of people think that it’s a grain, but really it’s a seed from the quinoa plant. The Incas were the first to utilize this versatile food because of its protein content. Quinoa is one of the only non-animal products that contain the nine essential amino acids that humans cannot produce organically. We need these amino acids to live. Thus, as a vegetarian, quinoa becomes a major part of my diet.
Not only is quinoa a great addition to my diet, but it’s also yummy and easy to make. It cooks up just like rice: bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, and cover until the water is absorbed in about 15 minutes—what’s not to like?
Go on, step out of your bounds. Do a bit of exploring. Try something new. (If it doesn’t work out, I fully support you walking over to Megabytes to make up for it.)

MEREDITH MEDOWAY / THE EAGLE

Here’s the recipe I made for this week’s lunch:

I went for a Mediterranean twist with mine, adding chopped cucumbers, sundried tomatoes, and chickpeas. If you have them, I highly recommend adding crumbled feta cheese and sliced black olives.

Ingredients:
-1 cup quinoa
-2 small or 1 medium cucumber
-1/2 cup sun dried tomatoes
-1 15-oz can garbanzo beans
-olive oil
-salt
-balsamic vinegar

Instructions:
1. Rinse quinoa and put in pot with 2 cups of water. Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, cover, and let simmer for about 15 minutes, until all of the moisture is absorbed. You know the quinoa is cooked when the center is no longer white and the stringy part has separated from the circle (that sounds weird but you’ll know what I mean when you try it).
2. While the quinoa cooks, chop the cucumber and sundried tomatoes into bite-size pieces of approximately the same size.
3. Drain and rinse the garbanzo beans.
4. When the quinoa is ready, fluff it with a fork (like you would fluff rice).
5. Put the quinoa, cucumbers, tomatoes, and garbanzos into a large bowl to mix thoroughly. Drizzle in a couple of tablespoons of olive oil and salt to taste.
6. To serve, put your portion on a plate and drizzle with olive oil, a dash of balsamic vinegar, and a dash of salt.
7. Enjoy!

It has recently come to my attention that with every trip to the advising office and most likely being put on a “most wanted” list of DO NOT LET HER BACK IN HERE in the realm of the AU Advising World, I am not alone in this phenomena of seniors-putting-things-off-to-the-last-minute-itus.

Yes, that horrid, godforsaken tendency we have to let our problems just dwell in the dark, sleepy corners of our mind until second semester rolls around and ding ding ding! Remember that OTHER part of science you had to take? You mean…college writing is actually mandated in order to get out of college? It’s those classes we laughed off freshman, sophmore…junior year with a HA I’ll never need that! By the time I’M a Senior…they probably won’t even offer it anymore! Yeah—sorry—Gen Eds are probably the only institution AU hasn’t tampered with since its holy act of congress in the 1800′s.

So what to do when you are that only Senior in a class full of freshman in a seminar class? Looking around for the right seat which sets you into sudden flashbacks of middle school (PICK THE COOL KIDS..NO WAIT THEY HATE YOU DON’T SIT WITH THEM…SIT WITH A SMART KID THEN BEFRIEND THEM…YOU NEED TO PASS THIS CLASS, YOU NEED TO GRADUATE THESE KIDS DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT…WAIT DOES THAT GIRL HAVE A NEW MICHAEL KORS BAG…DEFINITELY SITTING WITH HER)

Being the only Senior in a big old pond of eager, go-getting freshman can at times be as intimidating as the first day you came to AU. Yeah you are the oldest kid on the block..but these kids are most likely smarter than you, full of fresh minds waiting to tell their mom and dad all about the wonders of their cool professor who wore a t-shirt to class (A T-SHIRT MOM..NOT A SUIT!) and told them all about his summer trip to Malaysia (ZZZ get over yourself…have you heard of AU Abroad?). But in order to truly succeed, you need to give in a little and get down on their level. Remember what it was like to be new and actually be kind to a freshman..they might be your only way to pass!

Another helpful tip on the road to life as the older, wiser one in class is to actually at some point tell the professor you are such…Makes conversation topics of “It only gets harder from here!” or “Wait till Senior year, you’ll wish you had me then!” a little less awkward for you. Confronting the professor and letting them know… uh, hey, guess that makes two of us for the blue plate special, allows them to find a common bond with you and at times, can provide much leeway when it comes to missing a class for work, internships or other senior-esque responsibilities your younger counterparts have yet to experience.

But perhaps the most important thing to remember besides not letting both your Science Gen-eds pile up until both Senior semesters (currently experiencing such a phenomenon..let’s consider this a personal experiment on behalf of my graduating class), don’t feel ashamed that you are the oldest in the room, embrace your seniority! Loud and proud, on that first introduction day of class, exclaim MY NAME IS BLANK..AND I AM A SENIOR! Well, perhaps a little more subtle, you may scare off the younger ones.

ED YOURDON / FLICKR

I was tapping my fork nervously. My napkin was slowly getting crumpled. “Kate,” I said vehemently, “I am being so good right now.” I bit my lip and kept it tight, keeping my mouth shut. The boys next to me in line at Firewok were talking about football, specifically, the quality of the games this past week. “Really good. The NFL looks really, really good. A lot of great games,” said one. As they listed game after game, it took all of my power not to say, “How about that Bills game? They really crushed Kansas City, am I right? We may have a playoff team on our hands, for the first time in over ten years!” Eventually, I felt it was my Buffalo-sports-fan-duty to say the Bills were good, especially since one boy was wearing a Patriots t-shirt. “They did have a good game this weekend, right?” He reaffirmed, smiling. “Yeah, they did!” I smiled back. I had no idea who this guy was, but we had a small connection relating to football. Sure, Kate was annoyed that I broke my silence. “I already tweeted about how proud you made me!” she scolded. But I was proud of myself for breaking the age-old adage of “not talking to strangers.” We have this advice ingrained into our consciousness from a very young age, but when it comes time to go out into the real world—college, we are forced to talk to strangers every day.

Our floormates are strangers, at first, but we soon can call some of them our closest friends. Our professors are even stranger to us, considering we don’t have the same luxury of friending them on Facebook, something we can easily do with our floormates. People around us on the Metro are all strangers, but we aren’t forced to interact with them, save the occasional “is this seat taken?” and “Excuse me, please.” And why don’t we? There was an extremely cute guy in a gray suit, sitting by himself last night when my friends and I were riding to Dupont. Why didn’t I “pop a squat” next to him and strike up a witty, engaging conversation, and win him over in a romantic comedy-esque fashion? No one is that forward in reality, and when people are, they are embarrassed by rejection or mocked, like the guy that sat down next to Serena last night at the shuttle stop. He introduced himself, asked about her, and was being polite and friendly, yet I made eye contact with Kate and made a face during the conversation, and we joked on the shuttle ride home about “that weird guy” who was talking to Serena. I admit, I was a little jealous of her, though—the guy was cute, conversation harmless—it’s fun to meet new people and to learn new things. Why are we as a culture encouraged to group off into cliques and only socialize with people we are familiar with, and scoffed at when we attempt to talk to/make new friends?

PHIM ANH / FLICKR

It’s hard to be open with new people at first, but the barriers of awkwardness and novelty can be overcome quickly via shared interests and common ground. That’s why I joined a few clubs at this Wednesday’s Activities Fair—I wanted to meet people, and further—make new friends. This is a happy medium between talking to absolute strangers and our floormates; you’re taking the risk without the possibility of true rejection, since you’ll be continuously spending time together.

Who doesn’t dream of a chance meeting on the street—girls, let’s say in an accidental cab dispute, or a dropping of a SmartTrip, recovered by a handsome stranger? Or, for the guys, if you accidentally throw your Frisbee across the quad a little too far or share an elevator with a single pretty girl? If we were more encouraged to talk to strangers—to be forward—we may be more likely to make new friends, develop new relationships, and just make basic human connections more easily. And, as a girl with somewhat hopeless romantic aspirations, I think that we should stick to the basics once we get to school—the reverse of what we’re always told, that is, to feel free to talk to strangers.

Melbourne fashion is very distinct…everyone’s attire adds to the aura of the city. The architecture is classic architecture interspersed with contemporary exteriors. I should stop talking about buildings if I don’t know the right terminology…

Basically, Melbourne fashion, in a word, is HIPSTER.

To fit in, you need combat boots, scarves, layers, dresses, colored tights, capes, second hand clothes, a coffee cup, and your hair in a bun on top of your head.

a bucket of rings // Lauren Alexander

It seems like very minimal style…I mean people wear more layers than can possibly be comfortable, but it’s so effortless. Girls rarely wear makeup (why would you…it’s all imported and expensive.) and it seems as though they just throw on whatever they first see. Have you ever heard of getting dressed in the light? Probably not these Melbournians. (just gave that term a shot…)

My first purchase in Melbourne, besides an outlet converter was my very own pair of combat boots. Target was the place to go, and although they do give me blisters if I end up wandering for an entire day in them, they are worth it. I fit in. I’m not struggling to dress the part — I could never forgo my wonderful cardigan collection and pretty bow headbands. But I am definitely purchasing my fair share of colored tights which I can pair with my closet full of dresses and skirts, and keds.

When I get compliments on my American clothing, it’s always a little ironic because I admire the boldness of the fashion here. People seems to like my J Crew headbands and Sperry rain shoes…two brands no one has seem to heard of. Also - THERE IS NO ANTHROPOLOGIE OR URBAN OUTFITTERS HERE.

Graffiti on Brunswick Street // Lauren Alexander

I have yet to find the best shopping spot in the city…I’m still exploring and getting lots of opinions. Brunswick St. has the second hand cool designer clothes – awesome 80s sweaters and shoes. Melbourne central has the more expensive designer stores. And the department stores (Meyer and David Jones) are crazy expensive. After wandering around for a few months here, I have come to terms with the fact that life here will be expensive. And I have friends for a reason – to borrow clothes.

So I’ve been in Prague, the capital of the Czech Republic, for about 3 weeks now. Around day 2 I determined that I am never leaving.

First of all, this place looks like a sophisticated version of Disney World. Von Trap-ness fills the air.

KATRINA DEPTULA / THE EAGLE

Second, the exchange rate is in our favor, because a pint of beer costs from $1-2.50, depending on where you get it.

Third, because of AU’s awesomeness, I get to attend classes at the #1 film school in Europe and the #7 film school in the world.

Fourth, as this is a bustling capital city, there is an endless supply of clubs and pubs to suit anyone’s partying fancy. For instance, my comrades and I have frequented such places as the upscale dance club/entertainment facility Sasazu and the hipster, hole-in-the-wall bar named after the Coen epic, The Big Lebowski.

Not to mention that the Czech countryside is home to dozens of smaller cities and towns that range from artsy fartsy to Duloc’s replica. A recent visit to Cesky Krumlov, which falls under the latter category, made me feel less like a real person than any place I have visited before. Observe:

KATRINA DEPTULA / THE EAGLE

Maybe I am still in the honeymoon phase, but something tells me I might be googling “green-card weddings” in the near future.

The Beatles might have said it best… help, I think I need somebody. HELP, not just anybody. Help, you know I need someone…HELP!! Somewhere between graduate school applications and the idea that internships quickly evolve into jobs, the idea of help seems like a mirage as you are quickly slipping into the quicksand of Senior year. But help in college, as much as we try to ignore or deny it, is all around us. From our first steps on the campus, help takes the form of so many facets, whether it’s a professor, a colleague or even, dare I say it…your parents! Yes, asking for help is not a crime or a sin in college, actually raising your hand or throwing in the towel when times seem a little too much is human, and expected.

Is anyone out there? EMILY ROSEMAN / THE EAGLE

If you feel that you still are unsure or are embarrassed at times  — like me to admit — hey, I think I can’t handle my insane life right now, here are some helpful resources and tips for handling life’s more, well, hectic parts and where to find the help to alleviate the tension:

I am going to actually word for word re-phrase the same line every single professor tells you, since the day you stepped on this campus freshman year, since I am not actually sure it has stuck with you. GO TO OFFICE HOURS! yes…office hours actually work when you forget you have to A.) attend class , B.) pay attention in class , C. ) want to establish a better relationship with your professor, and D.) just flat out don’t understand the material! Office hours not only let your professor know you care but will most likely lead to a better grade!

Remember that place on the 5th floor of Butler? Yeah just hop on the elevator at Megabytes and let the doors open and a world of opportunity is about to unravel. AU’s award-winning carreer center is not only school-specific but incredibly online integrated to help you outside of school at all hours of convenience! From peer advisors that can help you fix minor resume problems, to staff career advisors assigned accordingly to your specific school and major, you can virtually come in at any pace and level of your career search. The best part…come in for interview practice before a big gig and get some one on one critiques!

Advising! Ahh yes, there comes a point in time when your advisor becomes your next best friend…or deathly afraid of you since you make one too many appointments in a given week. But signing up for advising appointments for help on schedules, life at AU, or to map out your plan after graduation is not only a great suggestion, it’s pretty much mandatory for a lot of schools at AU. Get to know your assigned advisor like they are a part of your family. Be comfortable asking questions, letting them know if you are uncomfortable or not happy in a given course (they want to know… they are intergral parts of the scheduling process), and be honest about your intentions at AU (if you are happy, want to change majors, etc.). As much as you get frustrated during a week, they want to help you! So sign up online and make sure you see them!

Finally…mom and dad. Yes, the parents that helped you through thick and thin, who are proud no matter what, are just as integral to the healing process when you are confused about your life at school as any staff member on campus! Think about it, when you have a bad day or a rough class, who is one the first people you call to complain to?  Oh..just me? Well, your parents want to be involved in the college process if they are not already! Try to keep them in the forefront and let them know your schedule of classes after you register, let them know your interests and what you have enrolled in each semester. It not only lets them feel wanted and a part of the college process again (empty nester syndrome party of one?) but it also allows you to ask questions and not have them blanking when you scream about that awful chemistry lab (uhhh honey…aren’t you a graphic design major?) Go over the course catelogue with them, and try to make copies of your worksheet after you leave advising meetings to show your parents just how far along you have to go to graduate (always helpful in senior year when parents begin to stress and budget how much they have to pay off). Allowing your parents to feel involved not only lets them understand the AU lifestyle, but allows them to still be a parent. I still call my dad for help when it comes to planning out my schedule and mapping out beneficial internships for my career…and I am not ashamed! (Granted he is an adjunct profesor and had two college grads under his belt — he’s a college advisor in his own right!)

We all feel a little overwhelmed from time to time. But when we experience it for ourselves, it may feel like the world is truly ending. The feeling of self-assurance and wanting to solve every problem for ourselves was so high school…embrace your resources and scream it on a mountain top! I have the power, and I want the help!

When I tell someone I’m ridiculously excited for a new “Doctor Who” episode coming out Saturday, I usually get blank looks accompanied by a “What?” or, my favorite, “What’s/Who’s ‘Doctor Who?’”

Well, here’s a crash course for those unaware (and definitely an inadequate explanation, since I could never fit in a summary of “Doctor Who” in 5 pages, let alone a blog entry):

A 900+ year old alien called The Doctor travels through the universe with his time traveling machine (the TARDIS, which resembles a police box). With it, he goes on amazing adventures, ranging from protecting the human race and saving/defeating other alien races. On these wonderful journeys, he takes human friends known as companions who get to experience the magnificent universe with a time-traveling alien who, in his current incarnation, wears a bow tie and eats fish fingers with custard.

Whew! The amazing part is that since this show has been running since the 60s, the show has gone through ELEVEN actor changes. This means that when an old actor leaves, a new actor can take his place and the explanation is that the Doctor goes through a regeneration process that leaves him with a new body and personality.

GAGE SKIDMORE / WIKIPEDIA

Still with me? Don’t worry, if you start watching Series 5 (known here in the USA as Season 5) you’ll be able to catch up because that’s when actor Matt Smith took his place as the Eleventh Doctor. He’s doing a terrific job as a Doctor who is quirky and hilarious but has that dark side that shows he’s seen and done so much during his very long life.

Now, for all of those who already know about “Doctor Who,” fantastic! If you’re like me, you’ve already been quoting it left and right, confusing non-Whovians. In honor of Matt Smith being the Eleventh Doctor, I complied a list of my favorite eleven quotes (in no particular order) from him. Since I could easily list eleven favorite quotes from the first episode, I’ll make it over Series 5 and then have a follow up of my favorites from the current series, Series 6. Remember – these are better when actually watched because Matt Smith makes the funniest and most awkward hand gestures and facial expressions while saying them.

WARNING: There might be very small spoilers below.
1. “Bowties are cool.” (5×01 and other episodes)

2. After the Doctor scans the mysterious crack: “Oh, that’s bad. That’s extremely very not good.” (5×04)

3. “Amy Pond, there’s something you better understand about me ’cause it’s important. And one day your life may depend on it. I am definitely a mad man with a box.” (5×01)

4. After seeing what was on Jeff’s laptop: “Blimey. Get a girlfriend, Jeff.” (5×01)

5. Inside the Star Whale’s mouth: “If this is just a mouth I’d love to see the stomach! (loud grumbling noise) Though not right now.” (5×02)

6. After River Song pushes the blue stabilizers on the Tardis, making it stop from shaking: “Yeah. Well, just boring now, isn’t it? They’re borings. They’re blue borings!” (5×04)

7. The Doctor is cross: “Oh this is bad! I don’t like this! {kicks the console}. Never use force! You just embarrass yourself. Unless you’re cross. In which case, always use force! “ (5×07)

8. “ Oi! Don’t diss the sonic!”(5×08)

9. After Craig tells the Doctor to give him a hint if he ever wants to be left alone with a date: ”Oh I will. I’ll shout. Yes. Something like, “I was not expecting this!” (5×11)

10. Trying to distract the Cyberman: “Look at me! I’m a target!” (5×12)

11. About to fall: “Say wheeee!” (5×02)

Honorable Mentions:
1. After sliding down a chimney like Santa Claus: “Ah. Yes. Blimey. Sorry! Christmas Eve on a rooftop. Saw a chimney, my whole brain just went ‘What the hell!’” (Series 5 Christmas Special)

2. “It’s a Fez, I wear a Fez now. Fezzes are cool.” (5×13 – RIP Fez)

So, I know I didn’t include all the brilliant quotes (dang limit!). Which ones did I miss?

Preview of Part 2 – “I’m being extremely clever up here, and there’s nobody standing around looking impressed!” (6×01)

Ipostcodes / FLICKR

Tired of playing second fiddle to Georgetown and George Washington’s hospitals, American University announced today that the brand new AU Hospital was officially open for business.

“This is a very proud day for me, erm, I mean, our university,” said AU President Neil Kerwin, speaking at the ribbon-cutting ceremony. “Years from now, people will look back on this press conference and say to themselves, “Damn, that guy who’s talking right now just looks awesome in that suit. I want to be him.”

The hospital is currently staffed by 65 cross-cultural facilitators, 24 translators who speak 18 different languages, 15 environmental consultants and 2 pre-med students – all of whom are white.

“What the hell was I thinking?” asked haggard bio major John Wasserman, one of two people who actually know anything about medicine that work at the hospital. “I’m in so far over my head right now.“

“Earlier this morning, we had a patient with blood gushing out of his ears, and the attending I.R. major was asking the patient if he knew that 75% of communication was non-verbal, and thus his ears were pretty much useless,” said Wasserman. “I put some sutures on the cut in his ear and slapped the I.R. kid across the face.”

According to sources, the hospital’s cafeteria serves chicken tenders and nothing else.

The hospital building has also achieved the coveted LEED-Gold Certification for environmental friendliness. Special troughs run through the hallways of the hospital, collecting and recycling bodily fluids from the patients and using them to water the building’s elaborate roof peace garden.

“We’re also re-using all of our needles at AU Hospital,” said Sarah Wexman-Shendlerworth, head of the hospital’s sustainability committee. “It’s just a total waste to throw those out after a single use.”

The hospital also features a special “New Jersey Wing,” where a professional staff of Jersey-ites assists patients with important issues, such as debating which part of Jersey is the best.

The hospital also announced today that they expect to carry over most of the staff and practices from the university’s Health Center.

“For those of you had become accustomed to a utter lack of helpfulness, ludicrously expensive medicine and a surprisingly good selection of free contraception – you can find all that at AU Hospital,” said a health center representative.

“…So that’s why I always use conditioner on my luxurious mane,” said Kerwin, concluding his remarks after roughly 90 minutes. “I’ll be available to sign glamour shots until 6.”

**Please note: there is not really an AU hospital included in the campus plan. This piece is satire.

We have embarked on yet another new semester of college and I — just like every other year — have fallen victim to the nostalgia-fest that the media seems to push on us every August. Back to school is the ultimate nostalgia point for me. I can’t help but pine for those days of school supply lists sent out by grade-school teachers. They arrived in the mail and included, you know, crayons, scissors, glue sticks, and maybe a colorful binder. Sigh.

Unfortunately, as I am a sophomore at American University, I don’t get to partake in the same activities as those youngsters I see on TV or any other media source. Thus, I usually try to find a way to bring that feeling of childhood back, even if only for the time it takes to eat lunch. Which brings me to my real focus: the peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

MEREDITH MEDOWAY / THE EAGLE

Can you get more nostalgic? I think not.
In fact, the commercial that makes me yearn the most for the “good old days” (aka prepubescence) is the Jif commercial. Nobody yanks at your reminiscences quite like that cute little boy that makes his mom a PB+J sandwich. I just squeal with joy at the sight of it (and so do you).
So, since I’m away from home and away from everything that brings me back to childhood, I decided to bring some childhood to my dorm room. I cannot even begin to imagine the number of PB+J sandwiches I’ve made in my life. And, as I’ve become more of a sell-proclaimed “foodie,” I’ve become quite the connoisseur of PB+J variations. You can basically take any nut butter (even sunflower butter) and combine it with any kind of jelly/jam/preserves you like. No matter what, you will end up with that unbeatable combination of the salty creamy butter with the sweet fruit jelly and hearty bits of bread.

MEREDITH MEDOWAY / THE EAGLE

Recently, I went a little fancy with my sandwich with a little help from Eataly — an incredible Italian market in New York City. I bought had my mommy buy some Black Fig jam that is simply delicious. I put it with some almond butter on whole wheat bread. It may not be the classic, but it is every bit as enjoyable and still brings me back to the days of composition notebooks and mommy’s lunches.
Here’s my recipe for fail-proof PB+J sandwiches (if you fail then I suggest you never attempt to cook anything else in your life)

What you’ll need: two slices of sandwich bread, nut butter, jelly
Instructions:
1. If they have been in your fridge, the peanut butter and jelly should sit out at room temperature for at least one hour. Using cold spread could cause ripped bread, which is never fun.
2. Take out two slices of bread and put them on a plate.
3. Using a knife, scoop out the desired amount of jelly and spread it onto one piece of bread. Then, use a different knife to scoop out the desired amount of peanut butter (I like a 50:50 ratio) and spread onto the other piece of bread.
4. Put the two pieces of bread together (with the jelly and butter on the inside).
5. Optional step: place the sandwich in the toaster oven and set to medium (I love to do this because it makes the jelly and peanut butter get all melty and delicious).
6. Cut the sandwich diagonally and enjoy!