The Best of the Breast

MEGHAN MCCAIN / THE DAILY BEAST

Meghan McCain’s double-breasted assault, Mariah’s golden globes, Katy Perry’s bouncing bosom on Sesame Street and SNL…ladies, breasts are in this season. (Wait! I forgot Janet’s nip-slip!)

The current trend has been a while in the making, but you can now flaunt your ta-tas in style with the complete support of … well, ladies, you know your support.

The entertainment business has got your back on this one too. Seen Mad Men? (It’s that show with Christina Hendricks’ large (and shapely) breasts – yes, now you remember.) Peeped in on the model industry lately? “Plus-size model” is no longer something Tyra Banks thinks is a charity.

The trend has even made it here to AU. The collection of Breastologues last Tuesday had me nodding my agreement, rolling on the floor with laughter, and gripping my breasts in terror of ever losing them. A pair of breasts so flat they might be concave, the feared and revered ‘Bra Lady’ and a pair named Eugene&Albert were all on the evening’s roster, and led me to an important question (I’ll get to that later).

I am, myself, a woman with breasts (what a surprise). Several years ago, an almost-stranger told me, “I love that shirt. Your cleavage looks great!” The younger me was embarrassed to have them pointed out. But now, I take that as a true compliment. This era of loving your body, whatever shape it is, is as exciting as when I learned the television didn’t only play cartoons on Saturdays (and, coincidentally, that your mom will lie to you).

MANFRED WERNER / WIKIMEDIA

And much like PBS, your breasts are there for you, every day of the week. You can have a bad hair day, but there is no such thing as a bad boob day. (Bad bra days, however, only require a little lift and separate.)

My remaining question, now that we’re (almost, just not on Twitter) allowed to love our breasts, no matter what the size, is this:

Has Hollywood sanctioned the practice of naming your breasts? Should your nunga-nungas have monikers of their own? Does Mariah Carey secretly refer to hers as “Money” and “Maker”? Will Kim Kardashian have them insured under the titles, “Keeping” and “Up”?

Named or unnamed, flaunt your lovely cha-chas all day this Wednesday for Love Your Body Day (on the Women’s Initiative calendar).  I’d also love to hear any of your body/breast-related thoughts. And if I tell you that you have a nice set, take it as the highest form of compliment, from woman to woman.

PS: Ladies of the Breastologues, I loved every performance and every breast. Congratulations for a successful and uplifting evening.